SALVE!

Hi! So its just past Christmas! Guess what? My awesome roommate got me a baby ball python! I named him Lestat :)

I got some neat things. I got a few giftcards to bookstores and already used them up! And a blanket to keep me warm! That's something I totally needed :)

How about I vent like old times on here? Sounds good?

Ok, I realized that anything I really want, I never get. I don't think Im a horrible person, so I don't understand why I can't ever have any of my wants. I mean, ya, I get a few things I want, but the things I sit and think about for hours on end and seriously care about and want, I don't get it!

Oh, and btw, off subject, I hurt my ass soooo bad today! I was standing on a chair to grab something and when I was getting off, my ass hit the back of the chair and gave me a complete dead leg and made we want to cry sooooo bad!!! But I didn't, and that's all that matters :)

Oh and whatelse! Why do you feel like noone likes you for a long time and then all of a sudden all of these stupid boys want to "hang out" and shit? It's seriously annoying! You all just need to stop calling me and get it in your head that I'm too good for your dumbasses! I mean not ALL of you, but the ones that should know better should just go ahead and lose my number FOREVER!

So that's all I got for now. I'll leave ya.

PACE!

November!

Sorry, I am being a poopy head and not updating often.

Basically blogging comes to mind, then I realize I have nothing to write :/

So Halloween came and went and I'm sad it's over, but ya gotta move on right? :)

It was fun, and the haunted house was a blast!

I have read the complete Sookie Stackhouse novels by Charlaine Harris, and I am IN LOVE! I can't think of another series that has brought me so much excitement in a loooong time! I was hanging by a thread the whole time and when I finished them, I was sooo sad! But there is a new one coming out in May of '10 and although it's forever away, I'm sure its worth the wait.

I also read Tempted which I believe is the 6th book of the HON series? Anyways, it was a HUGE cliffhanger and now we have to wait again for the next one! But nevertheless, it was a awesome book, and I love the series.

Next one for me to read is Catching Fire by Suzanne something, but I have yet to buy the book. I'll be doing that VERY soon though because its the second book to one of my favorites! The Hunger Games was amazing and I just know that Catching Fire will live up to the first one :)

So besides books lately, not much has happened...No, no cute guys to talk about, no unpredictable happenings taking place in this small town...Sad, but true.

I guess I'll leave you with a little idea...

Alexander Skarsgard is super sexy!!!


and here are some pics of mine and my roomies halloween outfits. (mines kinda hard to see since it's all black)

The Way You Make Me Feel!

Hey! Hi!

So it's October!!! Almost Halloween!!! I'm excited!

Me and Ash are acting in a local haunted house a few days out of the week and it's so much fun! I get to hang out with total freaks and act like a total freak, and it's all good! Nobody realizes that I'm actually a total freak in general! haha.

So we went to a Common concert in LA a week ago and I met a really cute guy down there ;) I mean, ya he lives far away, so whatever, but he was a hottie, just saying. In fact, that whole night was a crazy adventure. It was sooo much fun!

Ohhh yea, and I went to Avila barn today and got a pumpkin! It's so pretty and we decorated the house all Halloweenie and it looks AWESOME!

Anyways, my birthday was fun too, we went out and got gussied up and hung around our bar. It was chillax.

Well, not much else is going on right now. I'll update later when I get some pics from the haunted house!

Ciao,

Lola

back!

Sad that I still have nothing interesting to say huh? Work is going good, if not tiring :/

The LAST episode of True Blood this season is on Sunday and OMG am I excited! And even cooler!...Ashleigh my best roomie ever gave me my birthday present early and guess what it was?? You'll never guess! It's the Sookie Stackhouse Novels which are the books that inspired the series True Blood! I am totally excited to start reading them! She is too cool! I wuv her!

On other subjects, we are planning a road trip at the beginning of the year to New Orleans! It will be so much fun...besides the constant driving ofcourse! I am so ready for such an adventure! Woohoo! haha.

Anyways,

Pace!



(this is a still of me and ash singing some dirty diana by MJ!)

hey!

so i know it's been...forever!

how's life children? bien? i certainly hope all is well.

here's an update on MY life: I got a job! I am now a sandwich maker...hehe. oh un momento, un frajo...break.

so, where was I?

ah, so yes i am a sandwich maker, and it's aight! other than that though, im still at a bum point in my life. i don't have anything fun or interesting going on. nothing to look forward to, and that's lame!

im basically re-re-re-rereading my House Of Night series of books. i don't have any money right now to spend on ANYTHING especially books, so that makes me sad because i love me some bookies.

i don't really see any reason to bore anymore, so i'm gonna end this, but I just want everyone in the world to know....I HATE CAULIFLOWER...and that's it.

PEACE,
Lola!

Musica

I never loved nobody fully, always one foot on the ground, and by protecting my heart truly, I got lost in the sounds, I hear in my mind all of these voices, I hear in my mind all of these words, I hear in my mind all of this music and it breaks my heart, and it breaks my heart. - Regina Spektor - Fidelity

So I am sitting at home, trying to figure out how I'm going to come up with money to pay my past due bills...it's too suffocating to think about money. I hate money.

I would like to have a moment of clarity and possibly luck as well, because it would be LUCKY to find a job and to figure out what the hell I should be doing right now!!! I'm soooo confused!

I am afraid of disappointment again. When you want to move forward, you fall back scared that it's going to happen again and I don't want to fail twice in a row. What am I talking about? haha. What else? Boys...I'm a girl, so that's always on my mind right? I'm so shallow. Anyways, I never used to question myself with them, now I feel like no one likes me at all. I feel like such a loser!!!

Well, I've basically downloaded alot of music over the last day, and now I'm listening to it. haha. Here's some of my new music:

The Runaways
The Perishers
Regina Spektor
Dido
Jeff Buckley
The Cranberries
Janis Joplin
Jimi Hendrix
Enya
Foo Fighters
Linkin Park
James Blunt
Joan Jett & The Blackhearts
Lucinda Williams
Muse
Norah Jones
Pat Benatar
Robin Thicke
The Ting Tings
& Wilco

Pretty big list, no?

I downloaded almost ALL of Jeff Buckley's music. Definitely a talented artist.

Hmmm, I don't know what else to say, except that I am really bored, and I need to be saved from this boredom. My brain is going to melt from boredom!!!

Pace,
Lola

Music is the only thing that makes sense anymore...

It's true.

Excuse me for being a cynic, but doesn't it bother you when you watch everybody making a fool of themselves to be noticed, or to fit in like everybody else? Why does everyone care what everyone else thinks?

I know I don't have as many friends as other people in the world do, but the reason for that is because I would rather have less friends who accept me for my individuality, than to have more friends who like that I conform easily to what they think or do.

I hate people who live by other peoples rules and expectations.

Family

Sometimes I feel like I don't have any family left.

I mean technically, I only have two people in my real family left, and my mom isn't very motherly since she got married. Me and my sister hardly talk about anything, I'm closer with my friends than my sister. I know she feels the same way about her friends...

My moms husband hates that I have my own opinions and that I am not afraid to voice them. I think he prefers women to be tolerant and followers, as opposed to a strong open-minded leader. I don't back down from anything easily, and it drives him crazy. AND everytime he starts going off about his bullshit ideas, and I say what I think, my mom gets pissed at ME! Even though my ideas are way more logical and much more thought through. Ofcourse, you don't know that, you basically have to take my word for it, but it's true...haha.

Well, it makes me feel like the woman that used to be there, is completely gone, and now she's just a shell of that and is being controlled by him. It's so annoying. But what can I do? If she is happy being that way, then I guess I have to let her be that way and lose my mom. And completely ignore the idea that if she didn't want to be a mother for the rest of her life, than she shouldn't have had kids. We are supposed to come first! Especially since she's only known him for like 5 years.

GRRR!

Out Of Town

So I am currently visiting my aunt. Her house is amazing. She's got a beautiful pool, and get this...instead of water with chlorine in it, she has a saltwater pool! I've never heard of such a thing, but it's quite fantastic, and my hair looked pretty cute once it dried! haha.

She's got a baby grand, and an excercise room too!

Well anyways, I don't know how much fun I can have here considering I'm also with my parents, which means I have to be on good behavior and NO SMOKING! You have no idea how shitty that thought is! A whole week without smoking! I might die. But I can't say it's a bad thing.

Besides that, I've been working lately, and just living I guess. That's all with me. I'm excited to see the area and hopefully move down soon. A new area is what I need, full of people I don't know, noone who knows anything about me. It sounds like utopia ;)

I'll update soon, when something good goes down in these parts.

Ciao,
Lola

Another I just did

Dirty Hands

Just a frightened little girl,
Looking for a clue about the future,
Stumbling through the world,
Not sure what exactly to look for.

She’s tried her hands at love,
But it never turned out right,
So she chose to stay quiet,
And shut her feelings up tight.

She’s tried her hands at independence,
But found just how cold the world can be,
So she ran back to her broken home,
Waiting to find how to live happily.

Now patience seems like a cruel irony,
What should she be waiting for?
For her, ignorance is worse than knowledge,
Wandering through life always unsure.

And with dirty hands she walks,
Brave, but forever mystified,
Aware that she’ll end up somewhere,
Knowing that at least…she tried.

New Poem

Don’t Be Sorry, Change Your Actions

I bought it,
I bought your false sincerity,
I couldn’t see your true identity,
Well call me gullible,
Cause I bought it.
I bought your lies,
And now I cry,
I sit alone at night and I cry,
Cause I bought it.

You don’t have to prove anything to me,
I can tell that your obsessed with her,
It’s quite clear to see,
Just don’t come crawling back to me,
When you find out she doesn’t size up
Because she can’t be me,
Someday you’ll agree.
And you’ll find out unhappily,
That I’m nowhere in your vicinity.

I bought it,
I bought your false sincerity,
I couldn’t see your true identity,
Well call me gullible,
Cause I bought it.
I bought your lies,
And now I cry,
I sit alone at night and I cry,
Cause I bought it.

You didn’t break my heart,
So don’t tell me your sorry,
I’m not impressed with your bullshit story,
I let you have all of me,
Now you’ll see what it’s like to have me,
As your enemy,
It was all just an immature game,
So don’t get mad cause I have
Every right to act the same.

I bought it,
I bought your false sincerity,
I couldn’t see your true identity,
Well call me gullible,
Cause I bought it.
I bought your lies,
And now I cry,
I sit alone at night and I cry,
Cause I bought it.

my bad.

Hey guys,

sorry I haven't updated in a while.

so...I GOT A JOB!!! Forever21 (my favorite store ever!) is opening up in the old Gottschalks building in SLO and I got a job there! i don't know exactly when it's opening, but i'm way excited! retail is probably shitty, but i get to run around, and dress cute, and socialize a bit, so im way happy!
I cant wait!

but i also have the option to move to temecula where my aunt lives...she said she can get me a full-time job at verizon where the pay would be around 15-18 bucks an hour, so i'm sort of torn.

things around here haven't been so great, so the thought of being able to get up and leave is really tempting. it's not LA, but it's not the CC either. i just dont know :/

i really liked this boy, but he doesn't like me, and it really sucks. its been quite a while since me and my ex broke up...almost a year, and i hadn't found ANYONE worth giving a shot, and the only one i found doesn't feel the same way. but i'm a strong girl, so i'll live, ya know?

anyways, i have to go do some singing now, so i'll update more intricately later.

love ya,
lola

ya'll

I just downloaded alot of music! I'm happy! All old school music I used to listen to.

I'm hanging out with Nick! He's sitting on my bed talking about how I should weigh myself on the Himalayas, cuz then I'd weigh less. haha. He's a nerd.

They call me hell,
They call me stacy,
they call me her,
They call me Jane,
thats not my name.

They call me quiet girl,
but I'm a riot,
Mary Joleisa,
Always the same,
That's not my name.

Delirious

I got a little messed up yesterday...

And then I woke up wayyyy too early this morning :(

I woke up with that one song from Across the Universe in my head "I am the walrus, coo coo cachoo!"

Awkward...

I am currently reading Great Expectations by Dickens, and its interesting so far, but truthfully, I am not very far into it. I need to take a reading day, but that won't happen soon because I am going to Burbank this weekend for a wedding, and I'm not going to waste my time reading when I'm there.

But I don't have anything else to say, so I'll write more later.

Ciao

blah

I'm not up to ANYTHING! So I'll update when there is something interesting to say.

Dig it up Oh Oh!

Two suits, two tokens in hand.
I got no respect cuz I'm the new man.
Got my shovel, shoes full of sand.
Check out the tag, the names Caveman, uh!

What up playas?!

It's Lola here.

How's it?

I understand completely if your in love with me, because, I'm in love with myself. The fact that I'm not transfixed in front of the nearest mirror takes a great deal of self-control...

Anyways. Im not up to anything, just hanging around with my buddy Nick dawg!!! I wurve him. We might go to the lake this weekend again! Wooooot!

Ciao a tutti!
Lola

bababa

it's...9:23 am.

and it's saturday...and i basically didn't get any sleep.

gay.

Krista, if you read this...which i assume you shall, since this blog is mainly for eachother of us to read, i want some breakfast woman.

i think that i forget to update this too often.

i also think that i should probably clean my room...and maybe even more of the house. but whats the fun in that?! huh, i think NOT!

ok, so i clearly don't work today!! Woohoo! i want to go to some lame show today at Honda in SM. krista's uncle is in a little band and they are playing and they said there will be free popcorn, and that's all the encouragement i need! ok, that's un chiste. i'm not that big of a fatass!

i'll just talk to you, you little piece of shit blogger site, later. i still luv ya.

..

I wish I was a little bit taller, I wish I was a baller.

I've been up to nothing.

hehe. I went to the lake this weekend! It was fun except that I got majorly sunburnt, so that was gay :( but other than that...

I'm working with my stepdad again, so I'll actually be slightly busy for a while! AND that means some money on the table, which is always good news!

I've been reading Pride & Prejudice, and although I am in love with Mr. Darcy, I've decided that any kind of love is sort of gay. Never again shall I fall...not like I've ever done it right in the first place!

I really do want to move back down to LA and why not? I'm young, and if I want to do something, I should just go ahead and do it! Live a wild life...why not?!

but, I'm not in the typing mood, in fact, I'm typing very lazily right now, so if I have a few misspelled words, my bad.

I'll update in a few days ;)

Lola

.

ga-dooosh.

We Fight

All you do is hate,
Everything you instigate.
Why can't you just see,
being equal is a necessity?
It's a natural right,
to have uneven sight,
but when it brings someone else down,
you sit on your high horse wearing your crown.
All you are is disgust,
and all you teach, unjust.
Get it through your head,
we fight till were dead.

My God.

Honestly...everything feels like it's crashing down on my head right now. It's getting late in the month and I don't have money enough to pay any of my bills. I can't get over stupid personal issues. There is alot of drama in my household...

I decided I don't want to hang around here anymore. I'm moving back to LA first chance I get...I've been debating it for a long time, but I need to get out of this mess, and it seems like the only logical way. I'm never happy in one place for long, especially when there isn't anything or anybody holding me there.

I've realized a few things about myself I didn't notice before...I thought I was finally happy about myself, and then I realized that it's easy to think things like that when you're as closed off from the world as I am. I don't let anyone in...it makes it easier not to get your feelings hurt, or to be disappointed when things don't work out. But the VERY few times I ever do let people in...even slightly, it turns out badly. I guess I should let myself out there a little more, but that thought is even scarier than spending the rest of my life alone! I don't like feeling vulnerable...I guess that it's cause I am afraid of losing the people I let in...I'm not sure exactly. Lately, for no specific reason, I just feel like crying. I mean, I know in a way, I am disappointed, whether it's in myself or in someone else, I couldn't say...maybe a little bit of both? I need to get myself a distraction. Music used to be my distraction, but I feel like I lose it more and more every day, and that missing piece of my life makes everything seem more acute...well, not everything, just when I get sad. Lame, I feel pathetic writing all this...but I don't expect anyone to read it, so who cares? haha.

Well, that's all I can think of right now...besides the fact that I think Adam Lambert ought to win American Idol. I love him, he's my fave!

I need to say...

I am really fucking tired of looking for jobs!!!

Can't someone just call me back already and tell me I am way sexy and they want to pay me $20 hr?!

Here, I will give this to you...

I suppose...

I should be sleeping right now, but I'm being an insomniac and blogging instead.

Not much is happening...I'm still looking for a job as much as I can...

Some teenage crackhead thinks she's going to get her "delinquent posse" on me, hehe.

I may have smoked too many cigarettes today...blame Krista.

I finished my wonderfully horrible video today...I'll upload it in the morning as I am on a different computer right now and can't get to it.

That's the extent of my day. Blah and boring.

I'll update soon.

Ci vediamo.

Lola.

Fiction

It's All I Want
(inspired by a story)

I can't see what I am to you.
I can't read your mind,
I just want to be loved,
to leave loneliness behind.

Maybe we could try it together
maybe we should try forever,
but I know I would ruin it,
because forever for me,
always turns out to be never.

I shouldn't be thinking of you
but everytime I try to be free,
your face comes into my mind,
enclosing you all around me.

It's petty, yes I know,
but I want you to want me,
to tell me that you feel the same,
and let me know,
that forever we'll be.

News from the mind wayfarer.

I cried today...I didn't know I could actually cry anymore, but apparently, for my own selfish reasons, I still got it in me.

I'm tired of playing games, and trying different people out. I just want to find someone that I can actually see myself being with, and for them to want me too. I thought I saw that, and then realized it was foolish. I want something real, because nothing around here seems complex enough to be reality anymore.

Simple and boring is the perfect explanation for my life right now. It's so dull that you couldn't penetrate flesh with the blade no matter how hard you try. Catch my drift?
I need some God damn excitement!

And maybe a job...that would be nice too.

On to a short, dorky subject...I want to go to the Roswell Alien Festival this year soooo bad! It's in June, and since my mother didn't buy into it last year, hopefully, I can get others to go with me this time around! I want to dress like a martian and moondance!!!!!

That's about it, let me leave you with something stupidly fascinating:

BAT FIGHT with Will Ferrell from Will Ferrell

The last few days have been CRAZY!

Does anyone know when to shut up? There are way too many people around here that just talk and talk and talk and it's really irritating. I think it's funny how people have tried to threaten me in the past...it never went very far. People gossip so much behind peoples backs that they don't know what to say when it comes to actually confronting the gossipee.

I'm not scared of people, they are pathetic, I do think they are disgusting and most don't deserve to live, yes, I do believe that, but I am not and never will be, afraid of another human being. Sharks! Fuck yea, I'm scared shitless!

Here's the truth about my life right now, the honest to God truth...
-In the past week I have experienced many new things. I had my first visit to Wonderland on Monday. It was great, I fit in well. The Hatter told me that I should move into the empty trailer next to his because it's Wonderland, and they are all mad there and that he'd never met anyone as mad as me. I laughed at him and kissed his button nose...I also got a application for the empty trailer...
After having tea with the Hatter and the Hare (who really was quite mad if you ask me), I went on a little hike up the gumdrop mountains and into the flower garden where I met a hash smoking crazy mother of a caterpiller. His name was Bogey. He sold me some of his fine as...coconut flavored weeds he grew by his shroom home. We smoked for several hours till I passed the fuck out and woke up the next day in a cottage with a screaming baby that turned out to be a piglet. It was really annoying so I slaughtered it and made pork rinds. They were delish. I still have some left over if you want some ;)
So after that crazy adventure, I decided I needed to chill the fuck out and I left Wonderland and came home and slept the rest of the day. I woke in the night with a start...I thought I heard crickets whispering in my ear.
Indeed, after some investigating, I found there WERE crickets in my ear, whispering to me! Well, actually it was only one sweet little cricket, his name was Jiminy. Have you met him? He says he gets around and speaks to many folks about his wanderings. BUT he was definately not speaking to me about wanderings, he was telling me that I ought to make a wish on a star, because he was tired of seeing me stumble through life with no apparent ambitions.
So I found my star and wished that I could just be a real girl. And POOF!!!
No more wooden vestiges! All real arms and legs, and even a darn cute face with actual skin!
Now, since my one true dream has come true, I have decided to embark upon a new odyssey!
I am headed to New Orleans to find Lestat de Lioncourt, and telling him to make me a vampire so we can be lovers till the end of the world!!!

My diary,
Miss Lola

KK

Hmmm. I went to the doctor today, and I wasted my time and my moms money there. The doctor just told me to take Advil and Sudafed. Well, thanks...I could have done that without spending $120!
Good news is I don't have strep-throat or any other creepy sicknesses. I'm alive and well :)

I'm feeling slightly rejected right now. Weird spot to be in. I get his point of view, and he's very sweet, but I'm fucking hot and I don't get rejected, OK?

Well, that's quite enough conceited banter.

I can't wait for summer! and I really can't wait to get a new car and to go on a road trip with my fave little roomies!

I MISS YOU ASHLEIGH!!! COME BACK FROM KENYA NOWWWW!

Pace,
Lola.

New.

Im sorry for not updating this lately. I've been there and everywhere in my mind, and unfortunately, that doesn't include here. So I'm back! I'm here to reprise my retarded blogging and get back into the game. Love me. Ok.

I came down with a sore throat yesterday, so I got some alka seltzer and basically gagged and practically threw up! It was gross!

A few words in the night with a good intention can drive a girl crazy. But I'm taking it all in stride.

Krista is at work, and I'm lonely here :(

I'm done with all my Anne Rice books...I might have to start all over again. hehe.

I'm desperately in need of a job, but lacking the drive to find one. Eesh.

One of my nostrils is clogged.

I should probably clean, but I'm sooooooo ooooooooo ooooooooo tired.

I am going to get a marilyn piercing manana hopefully.

I could use a cigarette but I don't want to fuck with my throat...but it still isn't going to stop me.

And what else?...

NOTHING!, well, actually theres lots more, but I don't like getting deep, so I'm leaving it with that. Ciao a tutti darlings.

Lola

FUGLY COUPLES ALERT

I would like to take a moment to celebrate a wonderful pairing that I telekinetically brought together by my superior ideas. Two people who I think are perfect together have been officially confirmed today, after weeks of my deciding they were two of a kind. They are like peas and carrots, like peanut butter and jelly, like tortellini and pesto sauce.
These two individuals are both psycho, false, wannabes, and ugly. And I am so happy they have found each other.
My psychic abilities are staggering and immense and cannot be confused or denied baby!

Ah Krista.

So a lot of stuff has happened lately! I am living with my friends Krista and Ashleigh, and it's been pretty crazy! Im so grateful for them letting me stay here after everything thats happened and it feels like a college house with how much stuff is going on. It's a huge switch from my mommy's house, but it's fun :)

I need a job, so that I can pay my bills cuz I no longer work for my stepdad because he is gay.

I would like to have lots of money, it would be nice.

This is my song for you Krista
"She's gonna listen to her heart, it's gonna tell her what to do. She might need alot of lovin, but she don't need you."
So there to any losers who want to tell her what she ought to do.
Suck it haters.

niente

Nothing really going on...just reading Taltos by Anne Rice now, and almost done with it...it's pretty good so far.

Eating chocolate covered raisins, yum.

I cleaned my room, and now I am bored. I want to shop :(

I shall go now.

Pace e Lola

Stinky...

Rob told me to put the vacuum hose to the drain of the tub to clean it out at a job today...well, it sucked all the water out, and it made the whole house smell like sewer! We ran out as fast as we could...



...I want one!

Ouch

I babysat all day yesterday my friends 1 year old daughter...I woke up this morning with really sore arms! haha.

And since I still have no work, I get to clean this whole house again today! Woohoo......

But I'm lazy right now, so i'll just keep on doing that for a little while...

I wish I had something to say, but it seems like everything is quite boring at the moment and my sharing skills are at a standstill. I'll get back to you in a bit :)

Lola

Hello, I'm back.

I'm sorry, I have been busy and keep forgetting to update :(

Basically, so much has been happening, I cant even remember the last few days.
Some stupid bitch stole my computer, so we went to the store and bought a new one. It's big, and pretty. Be jealous.
I made cookies with Krista, and there's so much, I don't know what to do with them.
I finished the book, Lasher by Anne Rice, and stupid me, didn't buy the next one, so I've been going crazy not being able to read the last few days.
I've been hanging out with my mommy because my stepdad is working out of town, and I don't want her to get lonely.
Me and Marissa went to the Monarch park on Thursday or something, and after, we decided to go thrift store digging, and when we were leaving, we witnessed a car/jump out of car and run from the cops chase. It was nuckin futz.


I'm sure theres way more to say, but I can't remember it all, so I'll write more later...

:)

Nothing new :(

Twilight!!!

Im going to the Twilight DVD midnight release party tonight in Santa Barbara! Yay!

I love you, man!

Oh, air...it feels so gooooood.

I wish.

Oh pain. Head pounding, eyes itching.

Will I ever get a break?

uhhh.

Wow, I have nothing to write...at all. Except that I'm bored. Molti lame.

Sun

Today is actually sunny and clear...it makes me want to skip.

I'll write later, whence I am done with my skipping.

(Dork-a-saurus - Please look under Stephanie)

I...NEED.............

SLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP.

Man.

My god, don't watch Nights in Rodanthe if you are an easy crier...or even if it takes alot to make you cry, cuz I promise you, you will cry. It's the saddest movie ever, it's way worse than The Notebook. I am so sad now :(

Yea. I know.

MMM apple juice rocks my socks...it's tight, like sprite...

GIRL PUT YOUR RECORDS ON, TELL ME YOUR FAVORITE SONG. YOU GO AHEAD, LET YOUR HAIR DOWN!

Wata

I really want to go to the beach, even though it's freezing outside. I'm a nerd.

Money

I'm so tired of being broke.

Why can't there be such thing as money trees...

Well Hello.

I'm not so sure if I am going to LA this weekend now, I haven't heard anything from Mr. Bobby lately, and I don't plan on sleepin on the street, so...ya know.

I hope I get my tax return soon, I need money...

Something strange is happening in our house right now...it's...QUIET.

I'll be back in a bit, I have something to do...

.

I'm sorry again for never updating this anymore. The last few days have been pretty tragic, and I don't really feel like commenting on it. All I know, is that we all take everyone for granted, and it makes me sad when people wrong others. I know that there is nothing in the world I wouldn't give to have my sister and my dad back, I would give up my life for them to be able to live a long, full life, but it doesn't work that way. I know that when you go through hard things in life, its your choice which road you take to get you in the right direction again. No matter which direction, you are going to come out to be a much stronger person. And the most important thing, is to never let the memories you had with those people fade, even though time greedily tries to steal the few you keep with you.

Austin was taken from this life much to early, and I have so few memories to keep with me, so I will store them in my heart and lock away the key.

.

Also, my music I put on here, dont think of it as depressing, think of it as music to enlighten the mind, some of its to get you thinking, some to get you excited, or calm, you choose how it affects you, not I.

Pace

Sorry

I haven't updated in a week? Oops, my bad! Alright, update....

I watched the Changeling last night...OMFG! That movie was frickin crazy! It was soooo sad, yet sick/twisted/tragic at the same damn time! You have no idea, I was trippin out on it. Also, I watched Practical Magic this morning, and I love that movie, it's just great, enough said.

I went out Sat. night to Slo, we ended up at DTB for...ever. It was fun, I mean, I wasn't dressed up cuz I hadn't been much in the mood to go out, so I coulda looked better, and we stayed until it closed, and that wasn't exactly my choice, but other than that, it was fun.

I'm not sure what I have planned this weekend, but next week I might be going to LA. I hope that happens, cuz I haven't been to LA in too long, I miss it sooo much.

Anyways, other than that, I am pretty much broke, I need to get my hair done really badly, and yet again, I can't afford it, so hopefully I'll get it done soon.

Oh, and the night we went out (Sat) I got my makeup done at Urban Decay in the Santa Maria mall and it looked fucking awesome!

Pace e Lola

No kidding.

I have kicked my own butt today. I have bitten my cheek twice really bad, so I have two sores on opposite sides of my mouth and I burnt my entire mouth today on french fries! Guess Stephanies not getting any tongue on Valentines Day! :(

haha. Like I would have anyways...

So I'm done with the working evenings, but I have to work on Valentines and this Sunday as well.............GAYNESS.

Ciao a tutti

Pace e Lola

My pic for Loren Blake:

Sooooo beautiful!

The day is bitter and cold, my frozen joints make me feel old.

So, yay, I changed my background, it's a little more interesting now! haha. I'm not really up to anything, really.

I'm working in a little bit for a few hours...

Maybe I'll read some more, I'm about 1/3 of the way through The Witching Hour! It's getting more interesting too, so I spoke too soon about it when I said it's sort of boring, but my only problem with Anne Rice is that she extends things for way toooo long of periods. Like a letter in the book would be 50 pages! It's slightly ridiculous...but I still love her books.

So I'm off...to read and eat.

Pace e Amore!

Lola

Hi

I'm sorry I haven't been keeping up to date. I am not really in the mood to write right now, I'm too lazy, I'm actually forcing myself right now to do this. But I felt guilty if anyone has been checking in to see if I've updated, so, you people...this is for you. :)

I have been working, which is good, since I haven't had any money lately, and I've been screwed with my car insurance...speaking of, I will tell you a good story!

I was in a really small car accident last year, so small in fact, that there was absolutely NO damage to my car. I guess that my car might have scratched the other guys car, and it was my fault cuz I rear ended him. So I was aware that it would be something like $400 in damages to get him a new bumper or get it painted, whatever. That was the impression I have for almost a full year, until just this last month, I have to reinstate my insurance, and they are now charging me $260 a month for car insurance! I asked why, and they said because of my accident. So I called them back after calming down and looking through old paperwork, and asked them why it would go up so much for such a small ding on someones car, and they said that the guy I hit was claiming bodily damage and he was paid $2400 in medical damages!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How is that fucking possible you ask? Because he was a first rate fucker, who lied his way and screwed a 20 year old girl for life!!!!!! So NOW I have to sell my car, pay it off, and get a old used car so I don't have a car payment and my insurance will go way down (hopefully) because I can't even afford to live! That fucking jerk is probably living large too, he got a free $2400 and probably spent it on herpes infested prostitutes. I hope he......

I'm stopping myself there, because what I'm wanting to say is not lady like, and I slipped up already enough. Anyways, I'm pissed, I have to get rid of my car! :( I love my car!

So, that's that. I'll update more often, atleast, I'll try. haha.

Pace e Amore

GOD!

Are there ANY cute boys on the Central Coast? I'm starting to doubt it...

So.

I might have spoke too soon about all Anne Rice books...I have loved every book of hers so far (i've read 10) but The Witching Hour is starting off really slow and it's taking me for EVER! grr.

Anyways, I'm going out.

Peace & Lola

OHMUHFUCKINGOD!

OMG! OMG! OMG!

Strikefire Productions Presents:

...

Rhyming:

Hum, sum, bum, rum, slum, dumb, succumb, numb. Upstairs I heard the hum of an intruder, my body went numb,and I couldn't move, I didn't want to completely succumb to the fear of the slum.

Rhetoric, Satiric, idiotic, click, flick, stick, kick. Your rhetoric is ridiculously idiotic. You should put it all on paper, it would be hilariously satiric.

Bitch, hitch, switch, witch, itch...You spiteful witch, I have an itch to make you sleep outside, like a bitch. hahahahaha. (not)

Done!

And now, I just finished off Blackwood Farm by Anne Rice! Which is my 10th book of hers I've read, and I must admit, I have enjoyed every book of hers. She is insane...but it's fantastic!
Finishing it up I couldn't help but feel enthused in a way as if I had been spreading some great gossip...it was crazy! Anyways...great/insane/strange/addicting book, as all of hers are ;)



and now on to The Witching Hour, which is Anne's second book in the Mayfair Witches series.

Peace.

cat

Sorry.

I can't help it....it's too funny.

Possibly the best passage in a book I've ever beheld.

From Anne Rice's Blackwood Farm:

Dialogue between Lestat(the infamous and also famous) and Quinn Blackwood.

"I'm in love with you," I responded.
He laughed with the most beguiling and gentle laugh.
"Ofcourse you are," he replied. "I understand perfectly because I'm in love with myself. The fact that I'm not transfixed in front of the nearest mirror takes a great deal of self-control."
"But your love for me," he went on, "is the reason why you'll tell me all about yourself and Blackwood Farm. Start with the family history and then go into your own."
I sighed. I pondered. I took the plunge.


(if that doesn't make you want to read the book, I don't know what does. Such wonderful vanity.)


Oh look...Lestat. haha.

Wise words.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away. And they are just plain good.

Oh and...

So I could fill you in that I finished reading the entire Vampire Chronicles by Anne Rice! There are...9 books total, I think. I am now onto Blackwood Farm which is the first book in her Mayfair series. And I am likin it so far. I <3 Anne Rice books!

I could also fill you in on the fact, that I am ditching out on a party tonight and being a big fat loser lazy ass at home. I'm just not in the mood to drive to Grover. Even though there will probably be cute boys. haha. IM SORRY ALI! I AM JUST TOOOO LAZY TO DRIVE, AND I'M TIRED!

...don't hate me :(


Also, I'm bored. Not bored at the moment, I mean bored in life. I need some excitement! I want to go somewhere, travel, change my life, something. I want to see new things, meet new people, learn from different cultures. I also need money. haha. And I also lack someone to travel with. My parents would never let me go alone. But, if I go crazy enough, soon I will freak and just take off. I can only handle so much crazy boredom! haha.

Alright, that's it...

Peace & Lola

SPIT IT!

JUST A LITTLE RHYMING.

Handsome, handsome boy,
I see you from afar,
How I wonder who you are.

I wish on a star,
On a star up so high,
For the courage to just say Hi.

But oh so pretty boy,
I will never know you,
From my seat, it's a lonely view.


And Another:

You think I need you?
You, whose love away it flew?
I think you must be confused.

I need only my own heart.
From you, I am fine apart.
And my life without you I will start.

You underestimate me.
For you I would have parted the sea,
But now, to me, your as small as a flea.

I am a smart woman,
you are a dumb man,
On my feet, that's where I stand.


HAHAHA.

Some dramatic lyrics.

A song:

How can I leave?
When you're silently calling me to you?
I don't have a prayer,
When you look into my soul the way you do.
The power you have,
When you hold me, it kept me alive, I just never knew.

I just took too long to see,
and now,
I have noone in this world to love.
I lost the one who was sent
from up above.

I'd give anything,
To glimpse for one second what we used to be.
But you've changed,
you've grown cold and lost all love for me.
I still miss you,
and forever, I'll hold onto every memory.

I'm sorry I took so long to see,
because now,
I have noone in this whole damn world to love,
I lost the one who was sent to me
from so high up above.

I just took too long to see,
and now,
I have noone in this world to love.
or to love me.

Sorry.

I'm in a slow song mood. :)

And now for a poorly written poem of mine:

My life is sad,
My world lonely,
But someday,
I will grow the strength,
To stand on my feet independently,
I never needed anyone,
Just my own happy peace,
It will come soon,
If only I look up to the stars,
It will find it's way,
into my life with ease.

I won't be brought down by the past,
I will look up to the stars,
And my own peace,
will find it's way,
into my life with ease.

I love myself.

Horror

The Orphanage-It's a Spanish horror film. It's good...creepy. Watch it.

ahhh, bittersweet.

I know, I know, I posted that video...I'm supposed to be all "anti-love" and stuff, but how can you really believe that when you see things as perfect as Disney Cartoon Movies?! haha.

I mean, Beauty and the Beast? Aladdin? Snow White? Best love stories of all time. I don't want love unless its like those movies. So...I'll probably be waiting for it for a long time (aka never).

Love*

I can't help but smile when I watch this.




I wish I had someone to just kiss me ;)
hehe.

The post

I did NOT fall into the post, the post JUMPED at me. Sara thinks it's funny.

I think that she's mean.

sad.

I am such a dork. I was watching Man in the Moon earlier, and I balled my eyes out. I know how it feels to lose a significant person in my life, but if I ever lost someone I loved as in, wanted to spend the rest of my life with, I would probably die. That movie is WAY to sad for its own good. Don't watch it if you're a softie, but if you adore impossible love stories, then, its your movie.

:(


Anyways, I am continuing my job search manana.

Ciao a tutti.

Humm

So I am back from the snow...

Yep.

But there's nothing to say... So, I'll post later.

Amy,

Your like a great meal.

You leave me stuffed,
With feelings for you.

And I don't have to unbutton my pants.

-Paul Blart

Oh

Saw Paul Blart Mall Cop today. It was funny as hell. Not as funny as Rob trying to play Scattergories, but very funny never-the-less.

And, Rob says that the air is so thin up here at this elevation that it can make your nose burn...is that true? Cuz my nose really does burn right now! Haha.

Why?

Why waste tears for someone who isn't willing to give you theirs? Why waste your heart on someone who won't give you theirs? Why waste your every thought on someone who won't waste their own on you?

I won't waste myself for anyone, ever again.

I'm determined to never fall in love, ever again.

I'll only have past memories of loves sweetness, but I will forever taste loves bitterness.

Never again.

Im a poet!

You Should Be a Poet

You have a way with words... and a talent for drawing the pure emotions out of experiences. Your poetry has the potential to make people laugh and cry at the same time. You just need to write it!

What Sort of Artist Should You Be?

Quiz

Your Love Element Is Wood

In love, you tend to gently dominate and guide your partner. For you, love is all about sharing goals and future plans. You attract others with creativity and vision. Your flirting style is defined by your honesty and assertiveness. Growth and improvement are the cornerstones of your love life. You may focus on goals too much in relationships, but you never come out of them with a loss. You connect best with: Water Avoid: Metal You and another Wood element: will be doomed to a stormy relationship

What Element Is Your Love?

:)

I don't care about your feelings, if you care so little for mine.

My day so far.

Hey Hey Hey!

So, I'm not in a great mood, I have been awake since, like, 8 this morning! haha. I know, I'm lazy.

It's really pretty outside today, and I can't enjoy it cuz I basically have to pack for my trip and I have to shovel dirt for my madre (if I wanna get paid atleast). AND I have to clean cuz the house is disgusting (which isn't much of a surprise when there are 7 people living in one house).

I lazied around this morning and watched part of Moulin Rouge, and that made me sad, and then watched some of America's Best Dance Crew, and that, didn't make me sad...

Then I ate pizza for breakfast(The breakfast of champions!).

I am really on my way to a healthy life, no? But anyways, I need to post, cuz...I actually have nothing interesting to say. My life is boring!!!

But if I find something interesting to say, then I will POST IT!

See ya later,

Peace & Lola

mmmm.

I need a nice big bag of vicodin and a big stuffed animal to snuggle with and watch sobfest love stories. I think that's what I want.

Ofcourse, it's not what I'll get.

hehe.

huh...

So, I'm making myself sick to my stomach and really angry because I can't keep my mind from running wild.

I think I have the mean reds. I'm not going to blog about it because I promised not to talk about these things anymore. I was doing so good too, until I let it all get back to right where it was. It's never going to get better, I'm going to spend the rest of my life letting negative things into my life, that make me feel like I need them, when needing them makes me sick. I sound like I'm talking about drugs. haha.

But when you are in love, it's supposed to be simple and easy, it's not supposed to make you feel like this. Make you feel like you are in school and your scared because you didn't do the homework and your teacher is a bitch....as I said, I have the mean reds.

I'm going to go clean my room and take a shower to see if I can't make myself feel better.

Peace & Lola

BEST AI AUDITIONS EVER!

These are stuck in my head permanently...

sob

Why aren't there any jobs right now?

You make me wanna scream!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I will ALWAYS love this song...

Yuck

Eww, I just heard that Vanessa Hudgens is trying out for Leah Clearwater for the Twilight sequel New Moon. EWWW, and double Ewww! That would really piss me off.

She's gay, and she looks white, not native american. That is an insult to Native Americans everywhere.

:(~

Guy who wrote me a message on myspace.

I'm not your friend, so I can't write you back because of your privacy settings on myspace. Sorry.

Libra

Just thought I would post this on here, it's from someone's blog on myspace, and I thought "hmmm, SO TRUE!" haha, jk.

L • I • B • R • A • : The Freak​ in the Bed

Very prett​y.​​ Very roman​tic.​​ Nice to every​one they meet.​​ Their​ Love is one of a kind.​​ Silly​,​​ fun and sweet​.​​ Have own uniqu​e sexin​ess.​​ Most carin​g perso​n you will ever meet!​​ AMAZI​NG IN BED.​​.​​!​​!​​!​​ Not the kind of perso​n you wanna​ fuck with.​​.​​.​​u might​ end up cryin​g.​​.​​.​​ The most irres​istib​le.​​ Rare 2 find.​​ Funny​.​​ Talka​tive.​​ Eroti​c.​​ Smart​.​​ Loves​ sport​s.​​ Gets what he/​​she wants​.​​ Loves​ to be in a relat​ionsh​ip.

I need a job.

Hello!!!!

So, as I said earlier, I am starting my job search today, but I haven't seen ANYTHING yet!! WTF! So, this song below, is off the subject, but I thought, if this song was titled "Where have all the good jobs gone?" it would be perfect for my situation! hahaha. Love ya.



Peace & Lola

Tired

Here's some mas pics from last night! Bumped in to a few Lopez losers, just like me and Ali! haha.

(Top one was at the end of the night, as you can see, we were a little drunk...)







I'm sooooooooooooooo tired today. I am so close to passing out.

Tomorrow, starting my job search! I need Moola!

Loco

Crazy night last night! I feel good though, no hangover at all ;)




I'll post more later, I'm tired and dirty.

Peace & Lola

Eesh.

It's kinda cold.


Hope I don't freeze my ass off :(

Updates

Yo! So I am not going to do any more whining on my blog...well, about boys anyways. I might whine a bit about money, or weather, and stuff like that, but you get my point.

I was out ALL day today, half of it by myself, and I enjoyed it. I went to San Luis, and went shopping, well, it was more like window shopping :(.
I think that I have alot of fun when I am by myself, don't get me wrong, I like shopping NO MATTER WHAT, but solo shopping is pretty...spiritual, haha. I was in a picky mood though, so I didn't get much.

One thing I did do was change my number! I have had that number for soooo long, that I just decided, it was time for a change. I'm starting over in the literal sense, so I figured, a new number was like a symbolic thing. Sorry people, I'm not posting it on here, haha. No hard feelings? ;)

I'm not too sure about the LA thing now, as my cousin might be moving to Murietta or some shithole town like that, and I might be able to stay with a friend, but I don't really like imposing. I'm thinking I am going to get a job around here, as me and my step-dad had a sort of falling out with the work thing (I don't let anyone disrespect me, ANYONE, muahaha) and I need a more consistent job anyways.

I know this isn't that interesting of a post, but I just want everyone to know my status as of now. And out of respect of people, I will not be posting anything about my (more)personal life, as in boys. I have class, and I am sorry for any disrespect I gave to anyone. In the heat of the moment, I can be real mean, but I calm down quite fast.

So, I am going out tonight with my friend, not sure where, but I look pretty darn cute, If I do say so myself, and I am ready to party! Woohoo!

Peace & Lola

That's that. On to newer and better things.

If the world ends tomorrow, are you going to die alone? Did you just want "more time" and then come to find out, there really never was time? There's only living...
Time is not our friends, and I know that I won't ever ask for more time. I will love NOW, and live every moment, and be who I am meant to be every second of every day, starting now. Because I don't know if it's going to be taken away tomorrow. So, at the end of my life, I will know I used all the time I was given until it was run out, and it wasn't wasted. I may spend nights crying, but they weren't wasted, they were only setting me up for better times. That's how I see it. I won't wait for anything, because NOTHING is worth waiting for. Even love, if it doesn't want me now, then it can't have me ever. So I'm leaving all my past happiness behind, and finding new, better happiness.

I really am the girl with the "fuck you attitude" and her middle finger waving "peace" in the rear view. So, to whoever you are, try to remember everything that happened between us, because you aren't ever getting it back.


Peace & Lola

Friends

And onto another subject, I don't consider myself to have any friends. Really, I feel like, when people have needed me, I was there for them. I have stayed on the phone for hours while people cried, I have bitten my tongue while they insulted me by telling me things I completely disagree with, even though I had the decency to keep my mouth shut, I have comforted people when I was the lowest in MY life, I have always tried to give good advice to others even though I knew they wouldn't take it.
And yet, when I go through hard times, they never stood by me to make me stronger and make me feel like I had someone rooting for me to get through it. Even if they didn't understand what I was going through, they never even took the time to call me to see how I was, to even listen.

But you know what? Without them, it only makes you stronger when you come out of it all.
So, to end this little ramble, I give you my favorite quote that I have previously posted:

"'Tis better to be silent and thought a fool, then to open your mouth, and remove all doubt" - Abraham Lincoln

I post that because many things people say depicts how much respect they are given, and I have lost alot of respect for people because of their voiced opinions.

Your babies momma looks pregnant enough in that picture too, by the way. :)

Not sleeping.

Situation is simple.

I fucked up, I hurt someone I swore to love forever. I pushed them away, and I realized what I had done and asked for another chance. Problem is, that person is into someone else, and although they consider giving me another chance, they still want to see where that other relationship goes too. We were together for a long time, and it's too hard to know that they want to continue with that other relationship as well. I though what we had was unique, but I guess there wasn't much special about me after all, because they like that other person just as much or more.(at least that's my take) And while he has her on his brain, he will be the only one on mine, get the irony?

So the end of it is, even though I can promise to try 100% next time, and I can promise to wait as long as they need, I can't wait while they pursue someone else. I have pride. I may even have a large ego (not sure), so it's not going to work.
Even if they stopped pursuing that person, I will always know that they will think "what if" about them, and in the end, I can't live with that. I really wanted to try again...I'm sorry. I can't meet you either. It will just make it worse.

Crap.

I am in pain.

And I have bronchitis.

Pics

Was working today and my goofy stepfather decided to go hiking in a ravine, and I got these shots! I like, what do you think?

Hey there.

I'm feeling alot better! I probably got rid of a few gallons of flem and boogers today...hehe.

But its all good now. :)

I realized my stupid phone is scratched on the back from some sand that got into the case. I am soooo pissed because that's an expensive ass phone.
Whatever, I won't let it bug me...

I have nothing going on right now, so I'll let it stay at that.

I know I got awefully personal the last couple of days with my posts, I hope noone takes it personally, I am alot better at writing than talking, so I had to get it all out.

so...I'll write later, it's boring right now.

Pace e Amore,
Lola


A Good Memory

Sono Qui

Mi chiamo Lola. Sono di California. Sono ventidue anni. Sono giuridica, e pronto a parte!!!

Pace e Amore!

Lola