..

I wish I was a little bit taller, I wish I was a baller.

I've been up to nothing.

hehe. I went to the lake this weekend! It was fun except that I got majorly sunburnt, so that was gay :( but other than that...

I'm working with my stepdad again, so I'll actually be slightly busy for a while! AND that means some money on the table, which is always good news!

I've been reading Pride & Prejudice, and although I am in love with Mr. Darcy, I've decided that any kind of love is sort of gay. Never again shall I fall...not like I've ever done it right in the first place!

I really do want to move back down to LA and why not? I'm young, and if I want to do something, I should just go ahead and do it! Live a wild life...why not?!

but, I'm not in the typing mood, in fact, I'm typing very lazily right now, so if I have a few misspelled words, my bad.

I'll update in a few days ;)

Lola

.

ga-dooosh.

We Fight

All you do is hate,
Everything you instigate.
Why can't you just see,
being equal is a necessity?
It's a natural right,
to have uneven sight,
but when it brings someone else down,
you sit on your high horse wearing your crown.
All you are is disgust,
and all you teach, unjust.
Get it through your head,
we fight till were dead.

My God.

Honestly...everything feels like it's crashing down on my head right now. It's getting late in the month and I don't have money enough to pay any of my bills. I can't get over stupid personal issues. There is alot of drama in my household...

I decided I don't want to hang around here anymore. I'm moving back to LA first chance I get...I've been debating it for a long time, but I need to get out of this mess, and it seems like the only logical way. I'm never happy in one place for long, especially when there isn't anything or anybody holding me there.

I've realized a few things about myself I didn't notice before...I thought I was finally happy about myself, and then I realized that it's easy to think things like that when you're as closed off from the world as I am. I don't let anyone in...it makes it easier not to get your feelings hurt, or to be disappointed when things don't work out. But the VERY few times I ever do let people in...even slightly, it turns out badly. I guess I should let myself out there a little more, but that thought is even scarier than spending the rest of my life alone! I don't like feeling vulnerable...I guess that it's cause I am afraid of losing the people I let in...I'm not sure exactly. Lately, for no specific reason, I just feel like crying. I mean, I know in a way, I am disappointed, whether it's in myself or in someone else, I couldn't say...maybe a little bit of both? I need to get myself a distraction. Music used to be my distraction, but I feel like I lose it more and more every day, and that missing piece of my life makes everything seem more acute...well, not everything, just when I get sad. Lame, I feel pathetic writing all this...but I don't expect anyone to read it, so who cares? haha.

Well, that's all I can think of right now...besides the fact that I think Adam Lambert ought to win American Idol. I love him, he's my fave!

I need to say...

I am really fucking tired of looking for jobs!!!

Can't someone just call me back already and tell me I am way sexy and they want to pay me $20 hr?!

Here, I will give this to you...

I suppose...

I should be sleeping right now, but I'm being an insomniac and blogging instead.

Not much is happening...I'm still looking for a job as much as I can...

Some teenage crackhead thinks she's going to get her "delinquent posse" on me, hehe.

I may have smoked too many cigarettes today...blame Krista.

I finished my wonderfully horrible video today...I'll upload it in the morning as I am on a different computer right now and can't get to it.

That's the extent of my day. Blah and boring.

I'll update soon.

Ci vediamo.

Lola.

Fiction

It's All I Want
(inspired by a story)

I can't see what I am to you.
I can't read your mind,
I just want to be loved,
to leave loneliness behind.

Maybe we could try it together
maybe we should try forever,
but I know I would ruin it,
because forever for me,
always turns out to be never.

I shouldn't be thinking of you
but everytime I try to be free,
your face comes into my mind,
enclosing you all around me.

It's petty, yes I know,
but I want you to want me,
to tell me that you feel the same,
and let me know,
that forever we'll be.

News from the mind wayfarer.

I cried today...I didn't know I could actually cry anymore, but apparently, for my own selfish reasons, I still got it in me.

I'm tired of playing games, and trying different people out. I just want to find someone that I can actually see myself being with, and for them to want me too. I thought I saw that, and then realized it was foolish. I want something real, because nothing around here seems complex enough to be reality anymore.

Simple and boring is the perfect explanation for my life right now. It's so dull that you couldn't penetrate flesh with the blade no matter how hard you try. Catch my drift?
I need some God damn excitement!

And maybe a job...that would be nice too.

On to a short, dorky subject...I want to go to the Roswell Alien Festival this year soooo bad! It's in June, and since my mother didn't buy into it last year, hopefully, I can get others to go with me this time around! I want to dress like a martian and moondance!!!!!

That's about it, let me leave you with something stupidly fascinating:

BAT FIGHT with Will Ferrell from Will Ferrell

The last few days have been CRAZY!

Does anyone know when to shut up? There are way too many people around here that just talk and talk and talk and it's really irritating. I think it's funny how people have tried to threaten me in the past...it never went very far. People gossip so much behind peoples backs that they don't know what to say when it comes to actually confronting the gossipee.

I'm not scared of people, they are pathetic, I do think they are disgusting and most don't deserve to live, yes, I do believe that, but I am not and never will be, afraid of another human being. Sharks! Fuck yea, I'm scared shitless!

Here's the truth about my life right now, the honest to God truth...
-In the past week I have experienced many new things. I had my first visit to Wonderland on Monday. It was great, I fit in well. The Hatter told me that I should move into the empty trailer next to his because it's Wonderland, and they are all mad there and that he'd never met anyone as mad as me. I laughed at him and kissed his button nose...I also got a application for the empty trailer...
After having tea with the Hatter and the Hare (who really was quite mad if you ask me), I went on a little hike up the gumdrop mountains and into the flower garden where I met a hash smoking crazy mother of a caterpiller. His name was Bogey. He sold me some of his fine as...coconut flavored weeds he grew by his shroom home. We smoked for several hours till I passed the fuck out and woke up the next day in a cottage with a screaming baby that turned out to be a piglet. It was really annoying so I slaughtered it and made pork rinds. They were delish. I still have some left over if you want some ;)
So after that crazy adventure, I decided I needed to chill the fuck out and I left Wonderland and came home and slept the rest of the day. I woke in the night with a start...I thought I heard crickets whispering in my ear.
Indeed, after some investigating, I found there WERE crickets in my ear, whispering to me! Well, actually it was only one sweet little cricket, his name was Jiminy. Have you met him? He says he gets around and speaks to many folks about his wanderings. BUT he was definately not speaking to me about wanderings, he was telling me that I ought to make a wish on a star, because he was tired of seeing me stumble through life with no apparent ambitions.
So I found my star and wished that I could just be a real girl. And POOF!!!
No more wooden vestiges! All real arms and legs, and even a darn cute face with actual skin!
Now, since my one true dream has come true, I have decided to embark upon a new odyssey!
I am headed to New Orleans to find Lestat de Lioncourt, and telling him to make me a vampire so we can be lovers till the end of the world!!!

My diary,
Miss Lola

KK

Hmmm. I went to the doctor today, and I wasted my time and my moms money there. The doctor just told me to take Advil and Sudafed. Well, thanks...I could have done that without spending $120!
Good news is I don't have strep-throat or any other creepy sicknesses. I'm alive and well :)

I'm feeling slightly rejected right now. Weird spot to be in. I get his point of view, and he's very sweet, but I'm fucking hot and I don't get rejected, OK?

Well, that's quite enough conceited banter.

I can't wait for summer! and I really can't wait to get a new car and to go on a road trip with my fave little roomies!

I MISS YOU ASHLEIGH!!! COME BACK FROM KENYA NOWWWW!

Pace,
Lola.

New.

Im sorry for not updating this lately. I've been there and everywhere in my mind, and unfortunately, that doesn't include here. So I'm back! I'm here to reprise my retarded blogging and get back into the game. Love me. Ok.

I came down with a sore throat yesterday, so I got some alka seltzer and basically gagged and practically threw up! It was gross!

A few words in the night with a good intention can drive a girl crazy. But I'm taking it all in stride.

Krista is at work, and I'm lonely here :(

I'm done with all my Anne Rice books...I might have to start all over again. hehe.

I'm desperately in need of a job, but lacking the drive to find one. Eesh.

One of my nostrils is clogged.

I should probably clean, but I'm sooooooo ooooooooo ooooooooo tired.

I am going to get a marilyn piercing manana hopefully.

I could use a cigarette but I don't want to fuck with my throat...but it still isn't going to stop me.

And what else?...

NOTHING!, well, actually theres lots more, but I don't like getting deep, so I'm leaving it with that. Ciao a tutti darlings.

Lola